Wednesday, August 08, 2012

The truth about my life right now

I've shared a lot of happy times on this blog here lately because there really have been a lot of happy times. After a lot of REALLY hard things this past year (many of which didn't make this blog because they're pretty personal to me or others involved), it's been great to have so much good stuff to blog about.

Bear Lake was a huge highlight of the year, as always. Jared has a new job that he's really enjoying and that is so good for him and for all of us on many levels. Power of Moms is humming along nicely even though the number of hours I've devoted to it lately have been quite reduced. We have kids who are blessed with good health and we have so many great relatives we love to be with. We love our old house and our neighborhood and community (yesterday the Tour of Utah bike race inspired a fun day of booths and super fun free kids' activities like bounce houses and rock climbing walls plus a community bike race with the mayor that we all loved then there was an international festival with dancers and food from all over the world yesterday evening - just a few blocks down the street - love that). So yes, life is good and we have so very many reasons to feel blessed and be happy.

But even in the midst of good times and good situations, there's plenty of hard stuff and I while I don't like to dwell on the hard parts of my life on this blog (since I often dwell too much on the hard stuff in my mind), I do want to record the stuff I'm struggling with (that isn't super personal) here alongside the good stuff.

While I'm so grateful for kids who are at relatively easy ages and who are generally pretty easy to work with, they aren't little angels all the time. They know just how to push my buttons and a couple of them are going through stages that just about drive me crazy quite a bit lately. As far as non-personal stuff I can share, here are a few things that are hard about my great kids. Often, they whine and drag their feet when it's time to stop doing something super fun that I've allowed them to indulge in for several hours (like when I said it was time to go home after 4 hours at the Tour of Utah Kids' Zone yesterday and it was HOT and I had terrible cramps...). And it's quite annoying when they complain about something I worked hard to make for dinner or some activity I worked hard to plan for them and that I thought would be super fun. When they think I'm the meanest mom in the world for asking them to take a break from their fun to do their reading or writing or a simple 10-minute job around the house, that's pretty frustrating. And getting kids to bed when they always want one more thing and I'm just so tired gets pretty old. There are times every single day (often many times a day) when my patience gets very thin and I'm not the mom I mean to be.

The house is always needing attention. The kids are always needing attention. The fridge is always being emptied. The laundry is always piling up. Emails are always coming in. Power of Moms programs are always needing tweaking and new project possibilities are always coming up. Few things are ever really "done" around here and that's harder some days than others. I'm trying to accept that moving processes along is a worthy thing and that "done" is overrated. But I crave that "done" feeling.

I'm always trying to do too many things in too little time and I'm always hurrying but seldom am I on time for anything. My view of what is realistic to accomplish in an hour or in a day would probably make most people laugh. One of my big resolutions this year is to have more margin in my life and to be on time or even early for things (I've had this resolution for several years running but this year I'm SERIOUS about it - and the last few years, circumstances were really not very good for allowing margins, now that I look back).

I'm critical and impatient too often. My expectations are often too high. I dive into lots of things without really praying and thinking them through first - then stress myself out completely when I realize I have to back out or slow down on something I said I'd do (I HATE being flaky). I set myself and my kids up for failure too often. And I have major breakdowns sometimes and things just look very black.

But you know what? I keep trying and I keep making course corrections. I tell my kids and husband how much I love them every day and I'm getting better at setting aside my work and really focusing on them when they need me (learning to accomplish things while still allowing and even welcoming interruptions is my ongoing challenge).  I make a list of top priorities for the next day most evenings (more about that HERE) and that helps keep me somewhat balanced in a manageable way. And I plan out my week most Sundays, cutting things out that need to be cut out and gearing up for the times and days that will be tight and difficult.

So life IS good. But life is still hard. But hard and good generally go hand in hand. That's just how it is.

20 comments:

Jaydee and Shaunda said...

Wow, that is just what I needed to hear this week as summer slows down and kids get ready for school. I have followed your blog since I met you at Education Week at BYU-Idaho last year. It is nice to know that other moms struggle with some of the same things I do and that other kids also behave as mine do. I can SO relate to doing a fun activity and then kids whining to leave. I am constantly reminding them to be grateful for the opportunities they have and not ruin the day by wanting more. You are an inspiration to many and I just wanted you to know how wonderful you and your family are. I also needed the reminder that life can be hard but it is also BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL! My life is so full of blessings admist the stuggles. Thanks for all that you do and good luck the next few weeks.
Shaunda

Rebecca said...

What? Your life and kids aren't perfect????? lol

I've learned a lot lately about some of the same things. I really, really, really loved Sis. Beck's interview on the Mormon Channel--it's under the RS tab, #9 about Balance. She said that no covenant-keeping LDS woman is ever going to be caught up! That's a myth! It hit me so hard, that I needed to let go of the expectation that I'm ever going to be done. Life is a process and the important thing is to align ourselves with the Lord's will for us every day, and then keep making course corrections.

Anyway, hang in there!

Barb said...

"So life IS good. But life is still hard. But hard and good generally go hand in hand. That's just how it is."

Man, I needed to read that today. I think I'm going to print it out and put it on my fridge!! Thank you!

Eyrealm said...

Nice job...of writing and living!

Rebecca said...

Thanks for your openness and for saying how hard things are sometimes. I feel so frustrated on a daily basis about stuff...kids whining, kids fighting, too much to do etc... To read that one of the most organized, intelligent, balanced, put together women that I know sometimes has hard times too makes me feel not so alone and that even though I have weaknesses and things to work on things will work out.

One of the things that I really admire about you is your ability to be in the moment and live in the present. Whenever I am in the same room with you I feel like you are paying attention and being involved in whatever conversation is going on...you make me feel like you are there in the moment and not running to check your cell phone or email or thinking about something else. I also really love how well you listen. You are an amazing listener, I have noticed this in our Learning Circle especially. And also I love how I never feel judged around you or feel like you judge others or look down on them if they don't share your same opinions.

I am grateful for your friendship and example.

xoxo
Rebecca

SupaFlowaPowa said...

completely agreed. now i should get back to work instead of dwelling on your blog because of everything you just said.

Sare said...

I just wanted to say thank you so much for writing this. I have been following your blog since the Power of Moms Retreat in Palo Alto. I love reading because your are real and honest, and I reeeeally love this post. I had a baby 5 weeks ago and I just feel like everything is a bit crazy (with 4 kids, one being a newborn...kinda hard NOT to be crazy). It is reassuring that though craziness doesn't always go away, other moms (moms I admire in fact) are going through similar things. It really helps me get through my trials to know that.

Cheryl said...

Thank you for keeping it real. I have stopped reading the blogs that make life seem perfect and only show the "blog face". I like to know I'm not alone in having hardships!

Sarah said...

Amen!

Vienna and Ricky said...

I think almost every mom of two or more has these day/ weeks/ months. You only have the same 24 hours a day but the demands on your time is ever increasing! I love that you are honest and it gives strength to all of us who share the journey of motherhood!

Bindi said...

Great post. Just what I needed to hear. Thanks :-)

shawni said...

Sar, you are awesome and I love you.

likeschocolate said...

Thank you so much for writing this post. Being a mom can be amazing, but most of the time it is hard. Your not alone.

Susanne said...

This post was so timely for me. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

Katie said...

I needed to read this today. I had one of those days too and it is great knowing I am not the only one. I love your blog and appreciate all you share. Many a post have cheered me up or brought me comfort. Thank you.

Unknown said...

Ironic timing since I was struggling to get my son write about either a fun trip to an amusement park or camp. I thought about your writing -once-a-day policy. It's not easy for any of us. It's a marathon not a sprint!

Miss Whitney said...

Saren! Thanks for your honesty.You are amazing and your kids are blessed to have you, even on your hard days:-)

emily ballard said...

I didn't know you weren't feeling well! You should have told me and I would have yelled at your kids for you :)

Marinda said...

Thank you so much for posting this. I so admire you and your family and have at times wondered what I've done "wrong" that I can't keep it all together. Thanks for giving me hope that I'm normal and if I keep at it and too can be like you! You're the best!

eyre blog said...

I don't think I can ever tire of telling you how much I admire you Saren! thanks for being you.

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