I've been home from Bali for a week now. Amazingly, I have been able to avoid my tendency to get pretty easily annoyed and angry when I'm under pressure. I've stayed calm and happy even in the midst of tons of work on launching our new Power of Moms book and lots of catch up with kids stuff and housework and groceries and laundry. I felt a little tired thanks to jet lag, but have you noticed that sometimes when you're a little tired you actually feel sort of extra calm?
I'm realizing that I really can choose calmness over stress when I take a deep breath and remind myself that everything always works out OK in the end. My track record for surviving crazy moments in life is 100 percent so far. So I'm trying to remember this track record and stop feeling like its the end of the world when I'm in the middle of something seemingly insurmountable.
It's been great being home with our kids again. The twins hugs when I picked them up from school after getting home from the airport were priceless. It was so fun to show the kids all our Bali pictures on Wednesday night (we were going to do it Monday night but Ashton somehow ended up giving Isaac a slight concussion with the plastic handle on a foam sword so we spent the evening talking about safety instead...). It was so fun to share the sights we saw, the fun we had and the very interesting things we learned about Balinese culture. They had lots of great questions and comments. And they were pretty excited about the gifts we got them - t-shirts for the big boys, musical instruments for Oliver and Silas. And a Balinese dancer's crown for Eliza. The twins immediately started playing music while Eliza tried out some Balinese dance moves she saw in the videos we took. What a fun evening!
Of course it's not all sweetness and butterflies around here. The kids have had plenty of squabbles and my to-do list is always a little longer than is realistic or comfortable. There are a couple ongoing parenting issues we're struggling with that try my patience and hurt my heart. But I have faith that if we keep moving forward carefully and lovingly, things will work out in the end. I'm really learning how to relax more about lots of things and not care so desperately much about quite so many things. I'm realizing that worrying about so many things all the time is just not something my brain can handle anymore.
Right now I'm sitting in the lodge at Snow Basin ski resort. Jared is skiing with the kids and I am watching people making curvy zig zags down the beautiful white slopes and serving as "Lodge Mom" - I'm the gathering place and the snack bar and the cheerleader and I get to hear all the exciting stories of crashes and exciting feats on the slopes while they're nice and fresh.
Usually when I come up here, I try to get work done on my computer. The internet service is very spotty so I mostly just get frustrated while I'm trying to work. Today I decided to just read a book and type up this little post and catch up on a few emails if the internet happens to be working - no expectations, no pressure. I'm realizing that sometimes relaxing is the most productive thing you can do. I'm realizing that in the past few years I have not made time for relaxing at all really. And that has taken its toll on me and on my family. I've kept my brain so busy thinking about so many things I could have done better and so many things I need to do and so many situations I'm concerned about. I've worried so much about what I - and everyone else - should be doing and enjoying. I've realized that it's pretty hard to actually enjoy life when you're so busy analyzing it.