Quality time with my sister Shawni - and a crazy night

My sister Shawni and I are just 18 months apart in age and we grew up as best friends (read all about that and see photos here). We became extra close thanks to our family's frequent moves that made us cling to each other's friendship and support in a sea of unfamiliar faces.

I was delighted when Shawni decided to go to Boston University her freshman year and I was a junior at Wellesley just outside Boston. We got together several days a week (despite the bus ride and subway rides involved that made it a long process to get together). We decided to go on missions at the same time, went into the MTC on the very same day, and served in neighboring countries (Romania and Bulgaria), writing each other weekly letters that offered enormous comfort to each other as we went through such similar experiences at the same time.

Then when we were both married and had our first little babies, we used to talk on the phone for about an hour a day. We'd chat about our kids and the events of our lives and our worries and joys as well as the newsletters we worked on together for Joy School while cleaning our houses, feeding our kids lunch, that sort of thing.

And while I lived in California and Shawni lived in Virginia, we somehow managed to get together several times a year. Jared traveled for work a lot and we used his frequent flier miles so I could go with him on work trips frequently (Ashton was a baby and flew free). Every time Jared and I were able to get to the East coast, Shawni and I would figure out a way to get together. We'd meet up in Boston or New York or Virginia and spend a few days together, laughing and making cookies together, exploring favorite old places and exciting new places with our three little babies, Max, Elle and Ashton in tow.

Here we are at Shawni's house in Virginia - Shawni with Max and Elle and me with Ashton. This was when Max and Elle first met Ashton. We were so excited for our kids to be together for the first time!

In NYC with our boys:

In Boston:

 Boston Public Gardens:

When Shawni moved to Arizona and she had baby Grace and I had baby Isaac, Isaac and I flew out from California to help her pick out flooring and other finishes for the new house she was building. The new house they were building seemed so grand compared to my cute little Bay Area bungalow.

Max, Elle, Grace and Isaac:

As our families grew, getting together became more challenging. The frequent flier miles dried up when Jared's business travel dried up. And flying became prohibitively expensive and a big hassle with more kids. So we drove. We drove hours and hours and hours to meet up at Bear Lake for a full month every summer and found ways to get together at other times of year as well. But it kept getting harder and harder.

And while we were dealing with the needs of multiple kids day and night, getting really involved in our communities while working on our various blogs and books and other pursuits, our phone chats dwindled. Not because we didn't feel like talking but because there were just so many events and needs and people right in front of us that needed our attention. While we stayed best friends and knew we could always turn to each other in a time of need, our interactions became much more infrequent - and much more virtual. It was easy to keep up with each other via our blogs. We were in-the-know about each other's lives. But in the last couple years, we've exchanged voice mails and texts and emails a lot more often than we've actually talked in real time. And our annual family reunion at Bear Lake has become our only reliable in-person chance to get together with our husbands and kids.

Thanks to our mom, we've been able to get together with our sisters and sisters-in-law every year for our special MFME get-away for a few days. We've had such a fabulous time gathering with the women we love best to talk and eat and talk and eat and enjoy the beauty of nature and wonderful art museums and cultural events. Oh how we love these get-togethers!

But I realized I haven't had one-on-one time with Shawni for so long that I can't even remember the last time. I had some great one-on-one time with Saydi when we visited her last summer in Boston. I had some great one-on-one time with Charity when she visited over Christmas and when we met up in San Diego last month. And I've had great chances to spend quality time at the homes of several of my sisters-in-law too over the past year. But somehow Shawni and I haven't got together forever.

So it was time.

I spent the last two days enjoying great conversations, great food, and lots of beauty with Shawni. We talked about our goals for the year. We shared our issues and our joys. I got to jump into Shawni's life and understand it in a way that only comes from first-hand experience. I saw Grace cheer at a basketball game. I saw Claire do amazing flips in her gymnastics class. Lucy read me a book and showed me what a great reader she is. Max told me the latest news on volleyball and I got to see first hand how much that boy eats. And Elle took me for a drive now that she has her permit. Plus I got a chance to help Shawni explore lots of decisions for her new house - 12 years after that visit when I got to help her with decisions on the house they've now outgrown. The new house is gorgeous and they'll be moving in soon! But wow, that house-building process is crazy stuff - 1000 decisions and Shawni's like me - has to explore every option before she can feel good about a decision, then still second guessing decisions. My time with Shawni brought back memories of that crazy time when we were building our house in St George. I'm so glad that's over. I'm so glad this is almost over for Shawni and so excited for her to have her dream house.

And I got to be warm - even hot - thanks to the Arizona weather. I have to say that felt good.


Here's a glimpse at our time together:

Shawni picked me up at the airport and we headed out to lunch at this super delicious place - Windsor. LOVED the delicious salads and sandwiches we got and of course we ended up talking about food for a fair amount of the meal - Eyre sister trait.


We wandered through tons of antique stores getting ideas for furnishing Shawni's new house. Fun to just browse and see so many interesting things.

Then we had to get some salted chocolate chip cookies at La Grande Orange.

Loved seeing Grace cheer at a basketball game - that girl's got sparkle and spunk! And lots of cute friends.

The next day we went to Shawni's group weight lifting class and wow, my arms hurt. Great work out.

Then we went hiking through beautiful desert landscape:

There's nothing like being at the top of a mountain, feeling that wind, seeing the view. It's especially nice when you're there with your dear sister and get to talk about goals and ideas all the way up and back.

I got to see Claire in action at gymnastics. She can do some pretty darn amazing flips. Videoed her routine so I could show my kids.

I got to read with Lucy and tuck her in bed. Wow, she's a great reader and such a sweet girl. Mad I didn't get a photo.

I got to go driving with Elle and check out her skills now that she's got her permit. And I got to go with Shawni to take Max to the doctor and find out that the reason he's been feeling so awful is because he has bronchitis.

Here I am saying goodbye at the airport to Max and Elle.  How in the heck did those babies of Shawni's get so darn big! I had my tall shoes on but look how shrimpy they make me look. They're sure growing up to be wonderful people.

I'm so grateful I got a chance to slip away for 2 days and one night and reconnect with this wonderful sister of mine!

I'm determined to be a better sister and friend this year. I've been letting too many things get in the way of relationships that really really matter. And while those relationships haven't necessarily suffered, they haven't flourished either. I'm going to do a better job keeping first things first.

P.S. Last night's journey home from Arizona proved to be pretty interesting.

Here's what I wrote in an email to Shawni:

It's well past midnight now and I'm sitting here at Mom and Dad's condo in downtown SLC waiting for Jared to get here. I took a taxi to where Jared left his car for me, had the taxi driver wait while I found the key and made sure the car started ok. Then I paid the taxi driver and went to hop in the car and drive home but found that the car doors were locked. I guess when you start the car, the doors automatically lock. Why didn't I leave the door open while paying the driver? I called a locksmith but they said it would be about 75 dollars to come unlock the doors and it would take a half hour for them to come. So Jared said he'd kindly drive here, unlock the car, then stay here at the condo tonight so he'll be here for work in the morning and I can drive home to be with the kids. I've missed them!

So I left the car there running and walked over to the condo several blocks away where I could wait in a warm safe place for Jared (the car was parked in a pretty deserted place and waiting there for 45 minutes for Jared to come didn't seem like the best idea). It's actually thankfully a not-too-cold night and the stars and lit up temple were lovely. I tried not to think about how earily deserted the streets were and just enjoy a nice midnight speedwalk through an empty city. 

When I was almost to the condo these two guys started yelling at me, asking what my name was and where I was going while they laughed together. I got Jared in the phone and walked fast and ignored them. One of them started following me and kept telling that he just wanted to talk to me. When he got close I told him I was on the phone and asked him to just go on his way and leave me alone. When he kept taking to me in an aggressive uncomfortable way, I asked him if he wanted me to call the police. There was no one anywhere to be seen and I felt pretty scared. Right then a biker came by and slowed down to see what was going on and I kept Jared on the phone. After I mentioned the police and he saw the biker, the guy swore at me and took off. I was so glad to get inside this condo building! I was shaking for a while but writing all this out has calmed me down.

Now it's the next day and I'm home. Got here after 2am and I'm so tired but so happy to be safely home and to have time with these cute kids this morning. Jared got there just fine - at about 1:30am, took me in the van to his running car and i took the van home while Jared took his car to the condo and stayed there. It was all fine in the end. I feel so grateful. Grateful for the power of prayer. Grateful for that biker. Grateful for a husband who was willing to come rescue me from such a silly situation I could have prevented if I'd thought a bit harder about whether it was a good idea to close that car door while the engine was running. Grateful for the safety I usually feel. Grateful to get home to my warm safe house and see my beautiful sleeping children and read scriptures and have breakfast with them this morning. 

I have a very good life.

Now I just have to get caught up on sleep - and work!

Pets

(I just found this draft from ages ago and figured I might as well post it...Especially in light of our recent dog adventure...)

Growing up, we had a lot of pets. A REALLY lot of pets. My parents thought that pets would be a great way to teach us responsibility. For a while all NINE of us had our own pets. And it was a bit of a zoo (literally).

We started off with a cat named Meow Meow (an aloof Siamese who didn't love me and Shawni as much as we loved her) and a dog named Barney who seemed to like us about as much as we liked her - a lot.

Here's me and Barney:

Here's a random puppy we took in one summer until we found its owners:

When I was eight, my family visited Geneva, Switzerland on a quick European whirlwind tour at the end of the three years we lived in England. I fell in love with the name Geneva and decided that if I ever got the cat I dreamed of, I'd name it Geneva. So when I received a cute little grey tiger fluff-ball of a cat for my 9th birthday, I named it Geneva - even though it was a male cat. Poor Geneva got called a "she" his whole life. But he didn't seem to mind. 

Geneva was my best friend and constant companion for years - put up with all the times we dressed him up in doll clothes, always came around to comfort me when I was sad, always ran to the kitchen when anyone shook the catfood container (or a cereal box or whatever sounded like that). He died of old age after I got home from my mission to Bulgaria when I was 22. I still miss that cat.

Here's me and Geneva and Shawni: 

When I was 10, Geneva was joined by Caine, the sweetest little Beagle-mix mutt ever. My 4th grade teacher, Mr Waldhouse, found Caine lost and scared between a bunch of cars in a traffic jam, picked her up and brought her home. The next day he asked the class whether anyone wanted a dog. I raised my hand because my parents had promised Shawni a dog since I had Geneva. He had me go down to the office and call my parents to ask their permission to get a dog. Amazingly, they said sure. And Shawni and I walked home from school that day with an exciting new dog. Somehow we came up with the name Caine, thinking it was unusual and cute, and Shawni decided her middle name would be "White Socks" since she had white feet. Oddly, no one mentioned right away that we were picking a name of a villain in the Bible for this cute little dog. Later on, when the name was firmly attached, that we learned our name choice maybe wasn't the best. And Caine got called "he" most of her life. Somehow we ended up with a girl name for a boy cat and a boy name for a girl dog. Oh well!

Caine and Geneva were best friends. They'd always jump over each other and chase each other around playfully and sometimes even curled up together. Caine was a seriously great dog, so loving and obedient, short haired, clean, and cute as can be.

Here's Caine and Geneva with me and Jonah:
 

Caine had a litter of puppies one time and that was SO exciting and fun. She had some very interesting-looking pups. We never figured out what sort of dog the father was. But we were able to find good homes for all of them.

Here's Talmadge with one of Caine's puppies:


After about 5 years, Caine disappeared one day. We never found out what happened to her. We thought maybe she was stolen because she was so cute. We never saw her again. And we're still sad about that.

Saydi got her own cat when she was about 8. This cat was named "Windy." Windy sadly didn't last long. We were at Bear Lake and left Windy with some food while we went somewhere overnight. When we got back, Josh found Windy all stiff and dead. Apparently an animal got poor Windy. Saydi remembers Josh walking in with the stiff dead cat and saying, "Hey, Saydi, look. Windy died."



For years, Josh had tons of gerbils and named them all things like Fasty and Slowy and Browny and Blacky based on their various characteristics. His longest-lasting gerbil was one with a very short tale because someone accidentally shut his tale in a drawer and cut it off. But he led a long life with that short tale and was a favorite. I think he was called Shorty. Sorry, no pics of the gerbils could be found.

We had a few different bunnies over the years. Noah had our longest-lasting bunny named "Cosette." Cosette would wander the backyard and was a great playmate. But one day Cosette disappeared and Noah was pretty distraught. He felt much better when we convinced him that Cosette had gone off to join the wild bunnies - sort of like in the Velveteen Rabbit.



For a while, we had chickens. Josh was in charge of them. Dad built them a chicken coop using some old doors and windows and it worked pretty well. They provided great eggs and they were very stinky. That's all I really remember about them.


When I was about 12, my dad got us a horse named Banner then a couple years later, another horse named King. We kept the horses up at our cabin and loved riding them up the canyon there. Banner was a really awesome horse - great with kids, totally obedient, fun to ride. When I was 16 though, he took me on a really really wild ride down a very sharp incline and jumped over a stream at the end. I still wonder how in the world I stayed on that horse!

Here's Shawni and Ann (our Nanny from England who lived with us for a while) on Banner (the black and white apolusa) and some other horse we must have borrowed from someone.

We had a turtle named Bubba, another cat named Pearl who had a bunch of kittens we kept for a while. We had numerous snakes, gerbils, hampsters and lizards. One snake (the snakes were usually Josh's) escaped from his cage and I found him in my bed. That was freaky. One time Bubba the turtle crawled away when the kids were playing with him out of his cage and got lost and we found him 2 weeks later, seemingly perfectly fine. Poor Bubba lived for years in the sink in what we called the "pink bathroom." There were two pink porcelain sinks in there and one seemed sufficient for our needs so we gave Bubba the other one. It was super easy to put in fresh water and clean his "cage" that way!

Our last pet was Able (yes, she was a female and yes, we had to have an Able to make up for naming our other dog Caine). When Jonah was 9, he was attacked by a dog and had to have surgery to repair his arm and leg from the wounds he received. To help him not be scared of dogs after this sad incident, my parents decided to get him a puppy. Jonah picked out a cute little chocolate labrador retriever and Able became our longest-lasting and dearly beloved dog.

My kids got to know and love Able. The twins were especially enamoured with Able. And she was fabulous about putting up with all the kids who adored her at Bear Lake.

Here are Oliver and Eliza with Able at Bear Lake:

Able finally had to be put down as her arthritis took over and she had some tumors. We all miss her.

Able was the last Eyrealm pet.

Somehow, after a rich history of growing up with pets, none of my parents' children have opted to have dogs or cats. A few of us have had various gerbils, fish, lizzards, hampsters and snakes. But not one of us have dogs, cats, bunnies, horses or the like. 

My dad thinks we're a bit mean to deprive our children of the rich experiences we had with pets growing up. But perhaps we all saw the mess and stress that pets can add and didn't feel right about adding to the already messy and stressful lives we lead. I don't feel like I can take care of one more living thing in my life right now. 

Plus I think expectations have changed when it comes to having pets. It used to be that you could just bring a dog that your teacher found in a traffic jam home from school with you and it wasn't a big deal. You'd buy a collar and feed the dog scraps and a little dog food. The dog would run around when the kids were running around and didn't need to be taken on walks. No one cared much about leashes. No one picked up their dog's poop. Our animals never went to a trainer to be trained or a groomer to be cared for or to the vet for check-ups or shots. When we went out of town, we'd bring the dog with us or there was always someone in the neighborhood willing to take the dog in for a few days. And the cats could just be outside while we were gone with a neighbor putting out food and water for them. There was no "doggie day care" or pet hotels or anything like that. Pets were beloved animals and we were always taught to treat them kindly and respectfully, but they weren't a big deal to care for.

In today's world, I'm sure the normal and generally kind treatment our pets received would be viewed as sadly insufficient. Nowadays, there are a lot more restrictions and expectations when it comes to pets. So it's a bigger deal to have a pet than it used to be.

My kids would love love love love a dog or cat. But I just really don't want to deal with the fur, the smell, the walks, the litter boxes, the health issues they might have - let alone the behavior issues the dog or cat might have. Animals can come with difficult behavior issues or hard personalities and traits and if you get a dog or cat that can involve a whole lot of needs you may not be prepared to deal with. And if you get a dog or cat that isn't working out, what do you do? It's hard to give away a dog or cat that just isn't working out.

So we've decided to stick with reptiles. Lizards and snakes are fun, quiet, clean and easy. The kids catch a snake or lizard every so often and we have a nice terrarium we keep it in until we need to go on a trip or the kids loose interest or the animal "seems want to go back to nature." Then we simply let the creature go and say goodbye.

So while I really do love dogs and cats, they just aren't right for our family right now. And my kids have lots of dog and cat friends thanks to our neighbors. I think having friends with pets is really the perfect way to have pets!

Goodbye Millie

About a month ago, we said goodbye to Millie (well, her name is actually Millenium, named after the spaceship in Star Wars that Ashton was obsessed with when we got the car).

Millie served us well for 8 years but after nearly 150,000 miles, she was starting to have problems that were starting to be expensive. So we figured we'd better trade her in for something a bit newler while she still had some value.

We got Millie her when the twin were about 3 months old. We'd just sold our little house in San Jose, California for a great profit and were excited to be able to pay cash for something we never imagined we'd want - a mini van. The old SUV Jared brought into our marriage could seat 8 but getting kids in and out of carseats just didn't work in that thing (and we had SEVEN carseats!). After shopping around for a while, we realized a mini van was by far the most practical and comfortable choice for our family and settled on a white Toyota Sienna.

When we first got her, Millie felt very grand to me. I'd grown up with old beater cars that broke down all the time and the SUV was bumpy and hard to maneouver. Millie was quiet and smooth and easy. The doors opened and closed at the click of a button. There was tons of cargo space in the back. Life with Millie was good.

We drove that car to California many times and all up and down the west coast. We drove her to Mexico one time. Millie took us on tons of long trips to visit family all over the place. Then last summer, in one final epic adventure, Millie took us over 5000 miles across the US and back on our epic road trip, serving as our home base for about 3 weeks. Plus she made thousands of trips to the school, the store, scouts, dance, you name it. 

I have to admit I shed more than a few tears as I cleaned all our stuff out of Millie and then left her there at the dealership and took off in our very nice but soul-less and name-less new(er) van. I found tickets from events we loved, maps of hikes and cities we enjoyed, and a couple long-forgotten matchbox cars that reminded me of my little kids. I found old scratched DVD's and CD's that got us through many a long trip. I remembered all the audiobooks we listened to together and the great conversations we had and the many many games of "I Spy" and "20 Questions." I saw the marks the carseats left permanently on the seats and remembered all the times I buckled my babies into those carseats over the years. I unloaded the sweatshirts that have been so handy to keep in the back of the car and remembered all the times we grabbed the out of the back to enjoy a sunset on a beach in Mexico or a hike through the Redwoods or a nippy afternoon wandering through San Francisco. I found an extra bumper sticker from the Grand Teton Relay Jared and I did with a team of his family members - Millie was home-base for a 6 sweaty runners for two days and a night during that crazy fun race that we did for two years in a row. 

Our new van is nice. It's simple and reliable. We went with a Honda this time and found a good one with low miles that was only three years old. We're still settling on a name. Gray Goose (it's a gray/silver color and isn't the prettiest car), or "Gigi" for short is the current favorite. And we're really grateful we were able to get a newer car before Millie really started to fail. Gigi will bring us just as many good memories, I'm sure. But I'll always have a very fond place in my heart for the car that was a central part of so much of our family life for so many years!

Grandma's Funeral

Grandma's funeral the Monday before last turned out to be a truly wonderful celebration of her life and a stellar opportunity to enjoy time with dear family members. It felt like Grandma was there, so pleased that her passing had given us a bonus reunion and so glad to see how much we all love and appreciate her.

My whole family flew in from all over the place to be there. While it's so fun to have everyone's spouses and kids with them, it was a unique and special experience to have some time with just my siblings and parents (too expensive for everyone to bring spouses and kids - Jared and our kids joined us for the viewing and funeral, but for other parts of the weekend, Jared was kind enough to take the kids so I could enjoy quality time with my siblings and parents).

We went for a great hike together.

We ate a beautiful dinner together:

We talked and laughed and had such a fabulous time sharing worries and hopes and joys and laughs.

I sure love these people:

And these people (all my cousins were able to make it, most of whom I see far too infrequently. SO fun to have time with all of them!)

We all crammed into Grandma's house to share favorite memories and it was just a perfect evening full of love and laughter and some tears of love.

The viewing the next morning was very nice. It was great to meet good people with stories to share about our beloved grandma. And Grandma looked peaceful and pleasant. Saydi and my mom and I got together with Aunt Karen and sweet Jan who was Grandma's caregiver at the end to prepare Grandma's body for the funeral. It was a bit jarring to see here there dead at first. But as we worked together to put on her favorite temple dress and do her hair and make up just the way she liked it, it felt so very right and I was so glad there was one last thing I could do for her in a very physical way. It was a very holy experience.

As the oldest grandchild, I was asked to share a life sketch at her funeral. I felt a little stressed out about how to offer an even somewhat representative gathering of information about her long and strong life. But I gathered ideas from grandma's sister, her children, my cousins, and her husband's old journal and sure learned a lot. I was way more emotional than I imagined I'd be as I got up there to speak but it all came off alright, I think.

Here are the parts of my grandpa's journal that I shared so he could be represented in the life sketch:

• April 21, 1941 – Ray, Lois, Ruthie and I had a nice drive up the canyon yesterday. Oh, but Ruthie is a wonderful girl!
• (When Dean and Ruthie were in a dance review together. Ruth was in about ½ the dances and Dean and Ruth were doing one dance together.)
• April 29 – Oh, but I love Ruthie. I’ve just got to make her love me. I will do my darndest! I look forward to the practices with Ruthie for the dance review. We’re doing a very pretty waltz.
• May 21^st – Yippeee! Tonight was the night. After our picnic tonight, Ruth actually told me she loved me.
• May 22st-  I can still hardly believe it! I’ve been whooping and hollering. She loves me! Just think – the most wonderful girl in the world.
• June 17^th – when I think of the other love affairs I’ve had, oh, they were just puppy love. Ruthie is the real thing. I think I’ve found the one for me.

And here's my sweet great aunt, Beth (with Shawni's daughter, Grace). She's Grandma's little sister (just 13 months younger) who looks and talks SO much like Grandma. I just had to ask her to share a bit about Grandma as a little girl as part of the life sketch. She shared the cutest story about how she and Grandma would play with their beloved dolls every day after school and talked about how Grandma was always the peacemaker in the family and was a conscientious "mother" and care-giver, even back then.

Beth also told me about the "dancing school" she and Grandma put together for all the little girls in their neighborhood, right there in the church where we held the funeral. Grandma so loved dancing:

(she's third from the right in this photo)

(she's front row left in this photo)

Each of Grandma's children shared beautiful memories and tributes (Kevin, Rawlin, Sheri, Chris and my dad, Richard)

And Elder Perry, who went to high school with Grandma, shared memories and urged us all to be valiant and to leave our mark on the world. He looked RIGHT at Ashton, sitting there on the second row and said, "You, young man, you've been given a powerful legacy and I can't wait to see the good things you'll do as you leave your mark on this world." Such a great moment, one that Ashton and the rest of us won't ever forget.

After the funeral, our time at the cemetery was soft and perfect.

So this past couple weeks, I've sure thought a lot about what I'd like my own children and grandchildren to be able to say about me one day. April and I devoted our Power of Moms radio show last week to our ideas about what sort of legacy we want to leave. Check it out here if you want - I share a lot more about the funeral and my thoughts and feelings about what I learned from Grandma in this podcast.

*** For lots more details and lovely photos, check out my sister Shawni's post here.