A Beautiful but Frustrating Hike - and a Metaphor for Motherhood

Last Friday's hike was sort of a metaphor for motherhood.

We'd planned all week to do a big hike on Friday. We ate a quick breakfast, packed up water and snacks, found everyone's socks and shoes, hopped in the car, and headed down the street. But then it started raining. Hard. Really hard. And there was lots of thunder and lightening.

We hadn't gone far when the rain started up so we just looped around and ended up back in our driveway. It was raining so hard that we figured we'd listen to an audio book for a while (we're listening to Maze Runner and the kids are so into it) rather than getting soaked trying to dash into the house (yes, it was really raining hard enough that we'd have been drenched to the skin if we'd tried to run the 10 yards from the car to the house). Our thwarted plans made into a pleasant experience - listening to the rain beat on the roof in our cozy car while listening to a good story. Not half-bad.

When the rain let up after a half hour or so, the blue sky peeked through and a quick check of the weather on my phone said the rain should be done so we headed out of the driveway again, parked at the trailhead nearby and headed up the mountain.

It was gorgeous - perfectly cool hiking weather, lovely droplets on bright green rain-soaked leaves, wildflowers, cloud-capped peaks, the deepened colors and clear air of after-rain.

Isaac and the twins wanted to go ahead, as is often the case. That was fine. Eliza, Ashton and I hiked together at a brisk but slightly slower pace. As the gap between our two groups widened, I worried about the younger boys getting too far ahead of us, especially since I tried calling Isaac and found that he wasn't answering his phone - he must have left it in the car or at home. Darn. I really really don't like it when I don't know where my kids are and they might be in danger and I can't see or reach them.

I tried to hurry my little group along so we could catch up with the others. But the hurrying wasn't sitting well with certain people. I ended up by myself in the middle of two groups and sort of frustrated and worried. I had high hopes involving enjoying the beauty together and having some good talks while hiking. But there I was, yelling to the group in front (and not getting an answer and getting increasingly concerned) and feeling increasingly frustrated with those lagging behind (despite repeated explanations and pleas from me regarding the need to catch up with the advance group). I wasn't having fun. The laggers weren't having fun.

Turns out the advance group was having lots of fun - but on the wrong path. They'd decided to follow a lovely stream for a bit, then thought they saw a "short cut" and wandered far enough off track that they were lost. Thanks to a switch-back, they finally ended up in shouting distance from me and were able to make their way back to me, full of appologies about leaving the path (they KNOW the rules . . .). In the end, the laggers made it to the top quite a bit ahead of me and the youngers boys. And when we all made it to the top, I was ball of nerves and things just weren't very happy.

We had a good talk up at that summit about staying together on hikes, making sure we had our phones with us, staying on the path, that sort of thing. And then we had a really fun and lovely hike down, waiting for each other, staying together, laughing and talking. So the hike ended on a happy note.

Isn't motherhood a lot like the story of this hike of ours?

We go into things with great and happy anticipation. And even when there are false starts and "weather" that gets in the way, we're often good at keeping a positive outlook and pushing on ahead. Our plans may be solid, the scenery may be lovely, and joy may seem to be well within our reach. But more stuff happens. The weather holds, but new challenges come up. Some of the people involved in our plan (our kids, other family members) inevitably want to take their own path. And some people (yep, it's usually the mom . . .) are overly focused on keeping everyone moving along at a good clip. It's hard to really see the beauty of it all while we're trying to keep everyone safe and moving forward on the right track. Everyone wants to go their own pace and do their own thing in their own way - but we often have to stick together. So people get grumpy. And sometimes there's yelling.

But in the end, we have good talks and realize some things we should do better next time. And we can get some pretty spectacular views even in the midst of hard times if we remember to really look around us. Plus there are plenty of beautiful moments to be enjoyed if we can tuck away our frustrations and trust a little more and worry a little less.

On Thinking and Worrying Too Much - and building in more time to just be

It's been a good summer so far. We've been busy and productive and we've had a lot of fun. For the most part, the kids are doing a good job with their "must-do's" every day (reading, writing, doing a job around the house, working on one of their summer goals for their "practice" point, that sort of thing - they have a chart to check off this stuff every day). It's like fingernails on a chalkboard for me to see my kids lazing around in front of a screen unless they've accomplished a few things that feel somewhat productive first so these daily must-do's not only help the kids to get some good stuff done each day but they also help me relax as they enjoy a bit of recreational screen time and a whole lot of just playing with friends and jumping on the trampoline and that sort of thing once the "must-do's" have been accomplished.

But I'm feeling pretty frazzled way too often. Between running kids around to the few things we've signed them up for this summer, helping them set and work on the goals they've set for the summer, overseeing those "must-do's," trying to keep on top of the added laundry and grocery needs that summer brings, and dealing with unanticipated needs of our ward (I'm in the primary presidency and Jared is the Bishop), I've only had a hour or two (taken in haphazard 5-15-minute snatches) to work on Power of Moms stuff. I've been able to get to the most urgent things. And I've felt good about letting non-urgent stuff wait in the interest of focusing on motherhood. But every couple days, I get super overwhelmed as I realized how much I'm putting off with Power of Moms and wonder how I'll ever catch up. Plus I keep noticing new things I need to do sooner or later - the paint on our windowsills that we did just last fall is already chipping off and needs attention. Our neighbors are getting some work done on thir house that we also need done on our house but the company working on their house that gave us bids simply won't call me back and it would be so nice and easy and perhaps less expensive if we could get him to do some of the same work on our house while he's doing work on the house next door.

Right now, Eliza is sitting by me doing some artwork after getting back from basketball camp and the twins are jumping with a friend on the trampoline after finishing all their "must-do's" but the older boys are likely lounging around a bit and I've asked them to do some stuff that I don't think they've done but I'm so tired of trying so hard to keep everyone happy and productive. I'm also tired of having so many "must-do's" in my own mind all the time and feeling like I'm always running and never arriving.

Anyway, some days things seem great and I know I need to take the way I feel today with a grain of salt. It might just be the time of the month or the fact that my jeans are feeling too tight and it makes me feel grumpy to be reminded that I've been eating a bit too much lately and should change that. But I've definitely realized that I've kept up an un-sustainable pace for many years and that I crave more opportunities to really enjoy motherhood and less responsibilities related to running a website that helps other people enjoy motherhood. It's a fine balance. I love Power of Moms and know it really does help me be a better mom and person. But I've got to do a better job of compartmentalizing my life, planning what is most important to do, doing those things, and leaving a lot more margin in my life where real living can happen.

I loved this article on Power of Moms:
http://powerofmoms.com/2014/06/family-time-just-show-up/

It helped me realize how simple motherhood can be. I need to simply be present sometimes. I don't have to have a big activity planned or be actively teaching the kids something wonderful. I just need to be there. I bet if I just go sit out there and read a book (the book the twins are reading and that they really want me to read with them - Mysterious Benedict Society - I do love reading but always feel like I've got too much to do to sit and read - but they say kids really need to see their parents' reading to be great readers themselves...) while the kids' jump on the tramoline, they'll want to show me some cool new tricks and I'll enjoy looking up from my book to watch. I bet if I ask my daughter if she wants to play duets together, she'll enjoy her practicing time and I'll get a chance to play the violin myself - something I do way too seldom. I bet if I go find Ashton and just sit by him, we'll end up talking about something interesting. I bet if I go tell Isaac he did a great job vacuuming out the car and ask him what he feels like doing this afternoon, we'll nave a nice talk (and we can bury the bad feelings that we had towards each other as he was being super grumpy about vacuuming out the car and I was feeling angry that he felt so put-upon to do this small job when I do so much...).

I realize I've been over-thinking and over-worrying. I need to think more about what needs to happen in the present moment and less about the things things on my to-do list that are looming large and feeling overwhelming. I've got to come to terms with the fact that I'm just not going to get a whole lot of new things done as far as Power of Moms stuff this summer. I'll keep up on basic things - but my ideas for new things and my hopes of doing the projects on the list will just have to wait. I need to be here - really be here - with these kids - for their sake, and for mine.

So there are my rambling thoughts for today... I'm off to hang out with my kids and follow their lead for a while.

Inspiration for the Week

I stumbled across this quote today and it put into words an important truth that I already knew in my heart - but that I don't really do much about.

I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes that weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspirations; I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming. 

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

What power we have as mothers! For good and for ill. We determine the atmosphere in our homes to a great extent. And the more we focus on being that durably calm, kind, patient, loving and inspirting mother that we want to be, the more beautiful our home life can be. It's so hard to be in a good mood when we are tired and everyone wants something at the same time and there are worries in our minds. But we can set ourselves up for success as we prioritize our sleep and personal time, say "no" to things our heart tells us we should say no to, build in one-on-one time with our children, and fill our lives with beauty and peace in place of hurry and worry.

First Week of Summer Break - and Instagram Info

I'm realizing that Instagram is a great way to record our family's daily adventures this summer. I can do it right in the moment and I don't have to find a good-sized chunk of time to compose and upload pictures like I do with this blog. I'll still be posting here about once a week when I have something to record and share that goes beyond some fun pictures and thoughts. But if you'd like to keep up with the non-particularly-thought-provoking goings on of our family this summer, feel free to follow us on Instagram.

You can check out all my Instagram posts by clicking here anytime:
http://instagram.com/sarenloosli/
When you get to that page, click on any picture you want to know more about and the description will come up along with a larger photo.

Or you can follow me on Instagram - if you've got Instagram on your phone, just go into "Explore" (it's the icon that looks like a star or a compass or something like that) and click on the search icon at the top (looks like a magnifying glass) and type in "sarenloosli" then you can find me and follow me.

I've got lots of pictures there of our first action-packed week out of school. We got into our summer routines, did a major clean-out of kids' bedrooms as part of moving the twins into the same room together and the big boys into a shared room (for years, we've had Silas and Isaac in one room and Oliver and Ashton in another and everyone was ready for a change), helped out with a lot of random little and big ward needs, went on a beautiful hike, got all the kids' school projects stored in digital photos or tucked away in binders, went to a water park, researched, bought and built a beautiful new pergola plus a new outdoor table for the backyard (we love a good family project and these kids are really helpful these days!), and enjoyed a fabulous neighborhood party (plus had 1/2 the neighborhood in our backyard for a good part of almost every day - so grateful for wonderful neighbors).

Plus I had a chance to conduct a training for our Power of Moms trainers on Saturday and enjoyed a lovely few hours with some great ladies who'll be putting on some really meaningful trainings this year. And since I had to be in SLC first thing Saturday morning for that training and we were there Friday night for the water park, I stayed overnight with my mom and we had a great slumber party - talked and laughed until almost 2am. I sure love my mom.

And sure, there were some hard times and bumps as we adjusted to our new schedule and dealt with lots of unexpected stuff. Plus I'm way behind on Power of Moms work. But life is good.

Here's a glimpse of some of that from the collage Instagram made for me:

Go to http://instagram.com/sarenloosli/ to make the photos above clickable . . .

Last Day of School 2014

Today is the last day of school.

I'm very glad.

I'm so ready for a more relaxed schedule and time to just hang out with my kids. I feel like our lives have been way too rushed, way too busy for a long, long time. Sure, we've had beautiful adventures and have accomplished good things thanks to all that busyness. But it feels so good NOT to be taking off on a cross-country road trip like we were at this time last year. We're ready for a mellow June full of simple un-planned fun combined with our "Loosli Adventure Camp" (read about that here if you want). I'm excited to just hang out with these fun kids of mine and follow our interests and whims a lot more than we have in a long, long, time. I'm scaling back on Power of Moms stuff and other committments so I can work with Eliza on Violin, read with the twins, go on walks and hikes, spend individual time with kids as much as possible, take a few day trips, and really live in the moment.

Then in July we'll be at Bear Lake most of the time and in Ashton, Idaho part of the time.

Day before yesterday I sat shivering (what's up with over-air-conditioning???) on a hard metal chair through a LONG awards ceremony at the middle school (I've got a few ideas I'm going to pass on to the administration about how they could improve this very tedious event that I think could be a fun celebration of what the kids have done rather than a 2.5 hour reading of names...). Ashton got an award for getting a rare perfect 30 on his writing (he's really a great writer) and Isaac got a Presidential Award for academic excellence. Plus they were recognized for being on the volleyball and soccer teams. But it was hard to see some kids get recognized again and again and again and others not get recognized at all. I sat there feeling frustrated that I didn't know about some of the different things Ashton and Isaac could have been involved in - why weren't the boys pro-active about getting involved in more things? Why didn't the school make sure parents knew about more of this stuff? Am I being as involved as I should be? What am I doing wrong to make it so my boys didn't get more awards? Are awards a good thing anyway? I took notes on things to follow up with the boys about and realized I need to be more pro-active in encouraging the boys to be more pro-active when it comes to school activities. Those are just a few of the rambling thoughts I had while sitting through that long long assembly - I had plenty of time to think.

Here's the only photo I could get that sort of showed Ashton and Isaac - they were both up there to get their awards for being on athletic teamsq (I couldn't get them to look my way...)

Eliza's school's award ceremony was yesterday and it was thankfully much shorter and most every kid seemed to get an award for something - much more positive experience for everyone, it seemed. Here she is getting the Presidential Award for academic excellence and an award from her beloved science teacher, Ms. Singleton:

Eliza happily looked my way and posed for pictures frequently (the diference between her and her older brothers - is it an age thing? girl/boy thing? personality thing?)

Presidential award - see her there on the back row, seventh from the right?

Science award:

Yesterday Ashton had a bunch of friends over for a party - trampoline jumping, playing guitar and singing together, watching a movie, eating pizza, talking and laughing. He's developed some great friendships this year - and has had a chance to go with many of these kids on awesome school trips to Havasupai (last fall) and Southern Utah (last week).

This year, Ashton's had great teachers and has learned a lot (quite a bit of it the hard way) about getting good grades. He's grown a whole lot this year in so many ways. As he gave me a rare hug last night and thanked me for the party, I couldn't believe that my little baby is now way bigger than me.

Today I did one last story time in the twins' classroom and it was hard not to be emotional as I looked at all the beautiful 3rd graders I've known since Kindergarten. They're getting so big! I love that the twins still have to give me big hugs when I get to their classroom and when I leave. I love seeing their faces light up when I walk into the room. I love knowing and loving many of their friends.

After my storytime, I got to see the kids learn to do the Flamenco from their teacher who is from Spain. It was pretty cute watching them.


Next year they'll be in different classes for the first time and they'll be switching around classes a lot more rather than being with one teacher the vast majority of the time. My babies are really growing up. Forth graders are seriously big kids. I remember forth grade - really well. How can it be that my youngest children are already at an age that I feel like I was at not so very long ago?

Then Isaac and Eliza had their end-of-school parties today after school - one party right after another.

Eliza and her friend jumped on the trampoline, made artistic arrangements out of flowers and leaves and had me judge them, had chips with guacamole and smoothies, played hide and seek and giggled and talked. Such cute girls.

Isaac's still got his friends here. Only girls showed up. But Isaac didn't seem to mind one bit. These are some great girls. They've been jumping on the tramoline while spraying each other with the hose (it's HOT!), eating the delicious cookies Isaac made for the occasion, playing with the neighbor's cats, and playing some pretty tame truth or dare (one dare was to give me a compliment - which really wasn't half bad...). Plus Isaac has been showing off his unicycle skills and helping is friends try out that crazy thing.


Next week, I'll be sitting down with each child to go over the piles and piles of stuff they've brought home from school - deciding whether each piece should be trashed, photographed and put into their digital "special things folder" or saved physically in the special things folder they each get for every 2 school years. Trying to be cheerful about this upcoming task...


Hmmmm. Now what shall I make for dinner? We were going to do pizza but Ashton wanted that for his party last night so we all had pizza. I want to do something special and celebratory. But Jared's getting home from work late and I'm just tired. Going out to eat might be the right answer. But then maybe that takes more effort than just eating something quick and easy here...

Southern CA for a Wedding and a New Baby

We spent a lot of Memorial Day weekend driving. And it was actually very pleasant. The kids read a lot (the twins can't put down Harry Potter and Percy Jackson these days and Eliza and Isaac had great books to read as well). Ashton worked on a couple really wonderful videos about the Southern Utah Science trip he just returned from. I edited the curriculum for our new Year III Learning Circles manual. Jared listened to podcasts. Plus we had plenty of time to talk about summer plans. Plus we played the alphabet game and found licsence plates from all over the country. Plus we listened together to two audio books (The Cay and The Maze Runner- didn't finish that one but got a lot of the way through it). Everyone was nice to each other. No one complained. Wow. We've really got this road trip thing down!

The trip was to southern CA where we had great times with both sides of our family. We attended Jared's neice Rachel's beautiful wedding and had a great time with a large portion of Jared's very large family playing on the beach and having a fun game night after the wedding. And we got to stay with my brother Noah and sister-in-law Kristi and their wonderful kids and meet their newest addtion - miracle baby Shelby who was born with a very rare and very serious heart condition and they were geared up for the worst but thanks to excellent doctors, innovative proceedures, and lots of faith and fasting and prayers, little Shelby Grace is doing remarkably well and is home and happy with her family.

Here are some of my favorite moments from the weekend - in photos and in words:

Rachel's wedding was absolutely beautiful - the setting, the ceremony, the bride, everything.

Rachel and Andrew seem like a wonderful match and it was so great to be with them and so many loved ones for this very special day.

Here's Jared's mom and 7 of her 9 children (sadly Joel and Jayne couldn't make it)

And here's the family with spouses included:

I'm so blessed to be part of the ownderful Loosli family.

After a lovely luncheon, we met up at the beach for a chilly but gorgeous afternoon.

The twins ran right into the water - 62 degrees seems like great beach weather to them.

Ashton, Isaac and Eliza joined their uncles and some cousins for a good volleyball game.

Here's the cheering section:

I went for a walk up and down the beach with the twins, checking out kelp and seashells. There's so much wonder at the beach.

And I played in the waves with my boys, running back and forth, following the receeding waves down and then running like crazy to see if we could keep the new wave from touching us. I loved running and laughing together and enjoying the ocean - the feel of the wet sand under our feet, the sound of the waves, the cool surprise of the water slapping your legs - it never gets old for me.

Then we grabbed burgers at good old In and Out and stayed up late playing Pounce and chatting at Bruce and Connie's house. Games with Looslis are aways a really great time.

On Sunday, we had a great day with Noah and family plus my sister Charity who came down from the Bay area for the weekend. We went on a nice long walk all over their lovely neighborhood and the kids played and played and played.

The most important part of our time with Noah and Kristi was meeting their new baby, Shelby Grace, who came into the world with a heart that wasn't really functional but who is doing miraculously well thanks to lots of faith and prayers and great innovative ideas from smart and devoted doctors. It was wonderful to meet her and hold her after we've all been fasting and praying for her for so long!

We got to see how she takes her special heart medicine. But other than medicine and the likelihood of further proceedures down the road, she's a normal, beautiful little baby.

And we had big-time fun with cousins. My kids can't get enough of these fun little cousins of theirs.

I got to hang out and have great talks with some of my favorite people - Noah and Charity

And Kristi

Noah and Kristi have always been some of my biggest heroes (along with all my great family members on both sides of our family). Their stalwart faith and peaceful attitudes and solid hope and love have been beautiful things to watch through this whole crazy process with sweet Shelby.

Isaac taught Shelby a bit about Instagram:

Ashton and Bennet had big time fun together:

And Eliza and Lyla can never get enough of each other:

These three muskateers are SO cute together, coming up with all sorts of imaginative games and ideas, playing with Pokemon cards and making up Pokemon plays to act out, and spending a reasonable amout of time on the Wii.

Goodbye! (Bennett had to run after our car a for a bit, trying to give Ashton one last high five...)

Isaac's Campaign

So one other thing we somehow crammed into our Mother's Day weekend was helping Isaac make posters for his campaign for 8th Grade Representative for next year. He came up with his own slogan, politely asked me to buy him some poster board when I got a chance, worked hard on his application and his speech, and WON!

He decided to go with Ike Eisenhauer's campaign slogan and had fun making a poster that matched his campaign buttons:

He decided to wear a nice sport coat and tie to do his speech so people would take him seriously and he worked hard to get his speech down so he could say it smoothly. I loved the excited phone call I got when he found out he'd won.

Go Isaac! I like Ike!

P.S. If you're looking for summer ideas, check out the post I wrote a couple years ago that is still going super strong (over a million reads - wow!) and that lays out how we do our summer: Do-it-Yourself Summer Camp Kit

Mother's Day Portraits 2014

One of the traditions I insist upon every Mother's Day is a photo shoot. I have too few photos of myself with my chlidren (I'm usually the one behind the camera). And I want to remember what we looked like together.

Typcially, we do photos of me and all the kids together. But you know what? It takes like 100 shots or more to get a decent shot of all of us together. And by the time the photo shoot is done, tempers have flared, tears have been shed, and there's just not a happy feeling going on.

So this year, to make for a happier and simpler photo shoot and to emphasize the individual relationships I want to further cultivate with each of my children, we did individual shots. 

I love how these pictures turned out. The lighting and photo quality aren't the best since they were taken by various kids using my phone. But there were no tears or temper flares and I love looking at these photos and thinking about the individual relationships I have with each of these fabulous people who I get to call my children.

Ashton was only up for one shot (he's the most unhappy about photo shoots that take more than 5 seconds). But luckly, we got a good one - and he actually agreed to put his arm around me! (Ashton's not exactly a hugger.) Look at this handsome young man. He's passed me up in many ways. There are bumps in the road as we move towards more friendship and mutual respect and figure out who we can and should be to each other as Ashton needs to be more independent in ways that are tough for him and for me. I love how he knows exactly what to do when my computer or phone give me fits and I love that he's always got some interesting video or other tidbit from the Internet to show me or some wonderful new guitar piece to play for me.

Isaac is such a generally happy, confident, helpful, friendly and sweet kid. He's got a stubborn streak and is fiercely committed to what he thinks is right, but generally, he's one fun and easy guy to have around. And his braces are really pulling in those big buck teeth of his!

Isaac's still a hugger. I'm so glad he doesn't feel like he needs to grow out of that. And he's not too cool to call out "I love you" as I drop him off at school. I love that.

Eliza's always up for a photo shoot. And she has great ideas for cute poses.

I love that Eliza and I share so many of the same interests and that she still thinks I'm smart and cool (for the most part). I love her great questions about so many things and the good conversations we have. I love that she likes to tell me about anything and everything and that we can discuss all kinds of things on an ever more fun and meaningful level.

Oliver is such a sweetheart. Every night in his prayers, he says "Thanks that my mommy can be my mommy and bless that I'll always feel like I'm with her even when I'm not."

He's aways got a heart-felt hug for me and makes me feel so needed and loved.

He's so proud and happy when I come volunteer in his classroom. I love seeing the look on his face that says "yep, that's MY mom, and she's pretty awesome."

Whenever I seem stressed or upset, Silas is right there with his arms around my waist, telling me that he loves me. He's so in-tune with my feelings, it's uncanny. He's always singing me the special song he made up for me - "Mom, I love you so so much, I will never stop loving you."

I love his goofy smile and gappy teeth. I love his sweetness and his eagerness to please. I love how he always wants to help me cook and that he's so good at anything in the kitchen.

How blessed I am to bethe mother of such wonderful people. They teach me every day. They love me no matter what. They fill my life with work and wonder and make it meaningful and beautiful in ways I never could have imagined.