Saturday, October 02, 2010

It's Just a House - But Still...

OK.  This is going to be hard.  I started packing today and ended up in tears pretty quickly.

We won't be moving for at least a month (could be more) but I figured I'd better start so it won't be too crazy later.  I worked on the kids' toys and books since the school is having a big yard sale/fundraiser next week so now's a great time to get rid of lots of stuff that's just been hanging around here for no good reason.

As I went through stuff, I was flooded with memories of the daily story times we've had here in this house and the umpteen times I've helped the kids pick up these toys off the stamped concrete floor downstairs that Jared and I painted ourselves.  Those thoughts led to thoughts about all the hard work that went into designing and building this house.  I spent late-night hours at our old house in California, pregnant with the twins, analyzing and re-drawing floor plans and envisioning what this house would be.  Then Jared worked with all the subcontractors while I spent huge chunks of weeks and months on the computer, researching bathroom fixtures, paint colors, countertop materials, the qualities of different types of wood for doors and trim and different types of tile for bathrooms while 2-year-old Eliza prattled away, my baby twins crawled around making mess after mess and my big boys played with each other.  Five preschoolers while designing and building a house - what were we thinking?  But somehow it made sense at the time.

Now, five years later, while all those carefully researched choices helped make this house both beautiful and affordable, I realize that what's hard to leave in this house isn't the huge walk-in pantry or the 2nd laundry room or the beautiful stone in the bathrooms or the lovely maple woodwork.  What's hard to leave is the memories.  The twins took their first steps here in this living room.  Most of the kids learned to ride their two-wheelers out front.  We've watched sunsets and storms on the back balcony together.  This house has been an integral part of so many holidays and birthdays and beautiful little basic daily moments - impromptu dance parties and Friday movie nights in the theater room and so many family dinners at our well-worn table looking out at Snow Canyon and over a thousand cozy bedtimes in each of the kids' beloved rooms.

Then as I placed an add on Craig's List to rent this house, I remembered there are some good photos on a blog post I did for our house's birthday last year and found myself reading over that blog post again.  More memories!  Check it out here if you want:

http://looslifamily.blogspot.com/2010/02/happy-birthday-krawnchie-boo.html

Yeah, it's just a house - just a thing.  It doesn't really matter that much in the grand scheme of things.  But it's hard to leave something you've built and cared for and enjoyed so much.

We've got several people interested in renting Krawnchie and we're finalizing an offer on a house in Ogden.  We got the kids enrolled in a great charter school there (after some finagling).  This is starting to feel very real.  And very hard.

7 comments:

Kelly @"The Kosta Krew" said...

It may be just a house, but it's still hard to leave something behind that means so much. Luckily you can take the memories with you as your family begins a new adventure. I wish you the best of luck!

Hi, I'm Hannah. said...

Isn't nice to know that you have put your heart and hard work into something enough to cry about it? I can't wait to see what adventures await you and yours!

Allyson said...

Oh man, am I ever feeling your pain. If it were just the physical process it will still be extremely draining, but when you throw all the emotional stuff in? Utterly exhausting. I swear, I'm still recovering from our move. Hang in there.

Darcie said...

I grew up in North Ogden.... loved it. Live in SLC now, but North Ogden will always be home. I'm sure your family will love it too. Good luck to you!

Eyrealm said...

You've put lots of blood, sweat and tears in this house and it shows! It's absolutely gorgeous! We will miss coming here almost as much as you will (well, not quite) but we love the memories here as well. I'm so glad you're renting it so you have the option of coming back. That feels good! Everything's going to work out!

Mike and Amie said...

I too am feeling your pain as I read between the lines tonight. You and your husband created that home together. First spiritually and then physically. It is the whole process of creating that unifies. Your home is a tangible result of the spiritual. Some may say that is to deep, but that is how I see it. Life is deep! And the "opposition in all things" factor is a real part of this earthly experience. I am sure that you will take all of the good you have created, the memories and all your family has become with you to Ogden. Oh! And it is Ok to cry. Like Nike says "Just do it!" Thank you for sharing your honest and tender self. I feel very grateful to know you and hope to meet your family soon. Maybe in Nov. We'll be in St. George the weekend of the 13th. Sweet dreams friend. -Amie White

Handsfullmom said...

Good luck to you in this stressful time. I had similar feelings when we left our last house -- so many memories! I'm sure your new home will be wonderful too.

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